Love Confession

Unexpected thing happened

I was going to join my mom at Gramedia when T stopped me to say a few words,hmm…
Something in my mind said “No…not that please…”
Then after we chatted a while, what I fear turns to real right?hmm…
Yeah,A love confession,wew… directly and lively
Okay,I’ll answer truly I don’t have any feeling with him. I always and will always consider him as my friend.
Most my classmate,er…ex classmate,I have graduated already ,always keep forcing me to accept him
They said that he is a nice guy, he has been loving you since Junior High School,you could hardly fine another man like him, he’s very loyal, he’s perfect and bla3s
Well…Yes,He’s a Very Nice Guy, a Great and excellent person in both academic and also arT, A boy with an astonishing future that awaits him in front,a really promising person.

But HeLLO People…this is my feeling, I’m the one who knows what I feel. Love can’t be forced, Maybe in your mind he can be the most perfect person in the world,or wtev,he may be a really great guy,but he’s not the guy that I’m searching for.
He is not the guy that can make my heart keep jumping every time we meet,he’s not the guy who makes me feel nervous when he’s around me,he’s not the guy who is always on my mind day by day,he’s not the guy who can make me laugh and cry in the same time,he’s not the guy who drives me crazy every time I think of him, he’s not the guy who makes me can’t take my eyes of,he’s just Not…..

You deserve a better girl than me, I can feel that you love me sincerely,I’m not blind
I always appreciate what you have done,how much efforts you put in order to get my attention
How much braveness you need to gather just to talk with me or etc
I always appreciate even the least thing you have done,but I’m afraid that I’m not the right girl to get all of this,it’s just Too much….
Maybe the best way is just like what you said
“We just go with the flow first,don’t go that far. If later we meet again,then we’ll just think about it again.”
And through this I would like to say sorry too,if I ever made any mistakes or stg that hurt your feeling
But I did that for your own Good,maybe this sounds hurtful,but Idly

The main point is that Heart can never lie, I didn’t feel anything when with you,no matter how nice you are, I nEVER accept sbd’s love in the name of Poor(kasihan) ,as ke dpnnya that kind of relationship won’t last
And at last it’ll just hurt both sides,what I’m searching for is a REAL RELATIONSHIP,a relationship that soon will end with an answer “I DO” from me. I don’t need a relationship for playing or for prestige that I have bf,I’m not that kind of girl, maybe this sounds cruel and God has punished me for this

Everyone always think that I’m perfect,I got everything
Money,Family, Car,Dress,Best friends,Romantic BF, Great Love story,but the fact is I’m NOT,I’m IMPERFECT
No one knows how miserable my life can be,how many times I jatuh bangun and how liter of tears had fallen from my eyes, Got any idea about that? Everyone always look my life from the appearance only,Didn’t they know that I’m faking this Damn Smile? Didn’t they know that inside I’m screaming for help? I’m bleeding?

But that’s okay, I fall so that I can get up and every time I get up,the stronger I am to face this Cruel world. Trust no one as your nearest friend too can stab you from the back.
Yes….that’s one of my dark moment,but now I got You My Lord,and I know in every step I take You’ll be with me,stay close to me…..And with that feeling I’m ready to face the world,nothing is bigger than Your love to Me,and I’ll do anything not to break that

I know maybe this time my blog can be a little bit rude,but no purpose to offend anyone,if any of you feel offended then From my Deepest Heart I say SORRY… and I’ll have to admit it that when writing this blog I did mix my feeling and my deepest emotion inside,just consider that I’m sharing la,haha…

Sometimes I’m confused
Why we fall in love with a person that we even still not sure whether he loves us or not,whereas there is/are somebody out there that always waits for us,that loves us with all his heart? Why Love is like this?
Why we already know that by loving that person we will get hurt,but we still love him?
Why we just can’t accept the one who loves us? The one that will sacrifice everything for us?
Can anyone tell me the answer?

Anyway, I chatted with J and it’s quite an exclusive thing as I’m not really close to him when we’re in class
He’s rather rude and said stg straight to the point without any filter so sometimes talking to him could make your heart felt like being stab by swords,haha…
But I don’t know what makes me called him,just miss ?
He asked me to gather with the rest and watched Ice Age 3,about the transport it’s okay,he’ld handle it
I was quite hesitated because today I’ve just watched Transformers at the cinema and tomorrow I am going again? But remembering he’s been really nice to ask me out and I miss the rest of my friends,so Yup! SUN 21,I’m Coming AgAIN!! :p

PS: I need an answer Father………